BACKGROUND DONT DELETE

Sunday 31 July 2011

How Do You Catch a Cloud and Pin it Down?

My family have always jested about how the "gypsy" blood has got the better of me. My biological father (whose notions are sometimes unconfirmable!) has told me part of his heritage comes from Gypsy stock. When I'd tell him on the phone I was "moving house yet again" he'd laugh and say "Oh my poor little Gypsy girl"... "Why ME?!" I would exclaim. Noone else in my family seems to have been as unsettled in their lives as I have. My dad right enough, has moved around several times... Yet not quite as much as myself. My grandparents did too, but namely for work reasons. Everyone else has been able to remain solid and grounded and remain happily in their homes. Yet I seem to carry with me an unscratchable itch that carries me somewhere else as if the wind changes suddenly and tells me to do so.

Myself - I'm currently of 27 years of age... I am always on the "go"... I left home 11 years ago at 16, and have (honestly) lived in at least 30 different "homes" - whether they be passing fleeting stays with friends, or established properties with partners, or my own houses, ever since I left the family nest. I've never beenkicked out or evicted or anything... I just get "itchy" and am compelled to go elsewhere, I get a feeling of it being "time to move on". I don't understand it myself... Of these 30-odd homes, they have been sprawled out over 5 different countries, and I'm never afraid to move somewhere new and unknown. Likewise, I've had many a meaningful, yet fleeting whirlwind romance along my travels... I captivate the heart of someone, and then within about a year or so, my heart goes running off and I chase it elsewhere.

It's now the 1st of August and yet again I've found myself looking at "where to move next" and, considering I have a 22 month old son and a 4 month old daughter nowdays, it'd be nice to think I could sit still for once! We only moved into this house in October of last year and yet I'm already - for both physical, tangible reasons as well as unfathomable sub-conscious ones - feeling a drive to get out of this place. I've never rented the one property for any longer than 12 months before... Hence the constant can't be the houses, the towns, the neighbours, the landlords/agents as all have been very different from place to place. The constant is me. And whilst I'm longing to be settled, I just haven't found the "right" place to do that yet. It'd better happen soon - before my children are no longer as flexible and adaptable to changing scenery like this.

It's strange and uncontrollable. I wonder sometimes if there really is something in my blood... I think this will be one of the biggest lessons for me to learn. How to stay still! In the meantime, looks like we're looking for a new place again!

No comments:

Post a Comment